My father died in 2021 without a will. He shared the house with his second wife. The house is financed in their names with a small amount of equity ($40,000). She moved out of state shortly after his death. I moved home and have been paying the bill ever since.
She cannot afford the monthly payments. I am his second in line as his only child. I need a place to live while I fix up my other house. My FICO Score,
Very poor, but it will increase when I pay off my house in 2025 or 2026. I want to do the right thing, but she has not answered me the last two times I have called. She knew the house was financed, but English was her second language, and she didn't trust me.
Her children can't help it. I offered them the opportunity to sell it to me, keep it for her and make the payments, or sell it outright. They thought about it for a couple of months, but they moved it out with some furniture and I moved in. Now no one answers me.
I appreciate your help. The house is located in New Mexico.
Stepdaughter
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“Think carefully about making a financial decision based on your emotional attachment to this home.”
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Dear stepdaughter,
You don't mention whether your father bought this house before or during their marriage, or whether your stepmother's name is on the deed, but the end result is the same if both are subject to a mortgage: this house is considered community property and, as such, Your stepmother is the sole owner. In New Mexico, if a person dies and leaves behind a spouse and children, his spouse gets 100% of his community property and a quarter of his separate property, and his children get the rest.
Why do you want to buy your father's house? Does it hold sentimental value, or do you think you'll get a good deal from your stepmom and be able to rent it out? Think carefully about making a financial decision based on any emotional attachment to this house. Most people process their grief and recover within a year after a loss, but it may take longer than that, according to the National Institutes of Health. Some people experience a long-term grieving process. You should only buy this home if it makes financial sense.
After the death of a loved one, we can decide that our unhappiness can be lifted or resolved if we change other things in our lives. In your case, it could be that you bought your father's house because he loved that house and you don't want it to fall into the hands of strangers. This is understandable, but you may feel differently later. For other people, it could be changing jobs – although most people have things they like or dislike about their job – or selling personal items that remind them of their lost relative.
Start the will process
You need a place to live now while your home is being renovated, but I urge you to get probate and contact your surrogate's court or county court so an administrator can be appointed for your father's estate. Your stepmother has dropped the ball and, for reasons known only to her, has moved out of state. You can also petition the probate court to be appointed administrator of your father's estate. Either way, it's time to focus on your father's estate instead of paying the mortgage on his house.
As his only child, you are entitled to three-quarters of his separate property, but this does not include his home, since he shared it with his wife. I assume if it's on the mortgage, it's also on the title. Most couples own property as joint tenants with right of survivorship. Assuming this is the case, you are paying the mortgage on a property you do not own. You're kicking the can down the road so you can't afford to pay for two houses. This money would be better spent on your home.
It's time to focus on your financial and emotional health. Any assets held in a trust, payable-on-death accounts, or life insurance policies with a listed beneficiary will avoid probate. Keeping credit card balances low and paying your debts and bills on time will help build your FICO score. Avoid opening new credit cards or closing old ones in an attempt to improve your credit score. Always check your credit report for errors and find out what caused your score to drop in the first place. (You can read more on the FICO website.)
You say you want to do what's right. If you keep paying off this house, you're paying off someone else's debt. Given your credit score and the fact that you have another home to take care of, it doesn't make sense to make your stepmother's house your responsibility. She has left the city and is isolated from the outside world. It's time to put yourself first. I have no doubt that your father would have wanted to see you financially stable, living in your own home without the stress and pressure of having to own his home.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
The Moneyist regrets that he cannot respond to questions individually.
Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:
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'I gave up the job I loved so passionately': My husband secretly set up a trust that included our house and his investments. What should I do?
I have $1.5 million in stocks and bonds. I have asked my broker to convert my bonds into cash. He didn't and my portfolio dropped by $100,000. Can I sue?
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