My mother taught me never to hold a grudge. It's proven to be harder in practice than in theory: My mother-in-law gave me a “diamond” ring and said she wanted me to have it for everything I'd done for her. I thanked her and told her that I feel happy when she is happy.
When I took the ring to a jeweler to have it resized, the gemologist told me it was fake – in fact – it was fake jewelry (as they put it). I was amazed. Is this a new form of evil? I'm trying to come up with a word, but I can't seem to wrap my finger around it.
There seems to be a feeling of entitlement to my mother-in-law rather than passive aggressive behavior for example. She expects VIP service from her family. If you do one nice thing, you will expect the whole world in the next ten years. What should I do?
daughter in law
Related: “Death and Money Bring Out the Worst in People”: My stepmother wants me to give up my rights to my late father’s estate. How do I handle this safely?
“The price of this stone depends only on the value you place on it.”
Market watch illustration
Dear daughter-in-law,
Fake diamonds are not a daughter-in-law's best friend.
A gemologist recognizes a fake diamond; A psychiatrist can detect a fake relationship. You are neither a gemologist nor a psychologist, yet you seem to draw a line between the two. It's hard to spot fakes, and your mother-in-law is not a gemologist.
The price of this stone depends only on the value you place on it. This may mean that your mother-in-law is trying to show her gratitude, or perhaps she is using it as a sly comment on your relationship (“You, honey, are as fake as that ring”).
Your mother was right that she didn't hold a grudge. You might also say that – without evidence to the contrary – you're better off thinking about the best people (unless it's the person trying to convince you to invest in cryptocurrencies). Choose to believe that your mother-in-law acted in good faith.
Lab-made cubic zirconia lacks the natural imperfections of diamonds, according to Mike Freed, CEO of The Diamond Pro. And cubic zirconia? “They are often seen as ‘too perfect’ or fake-looking.” But this may not apply to civilians who do not have his eye or experience.
Diamonds and cubic zirconia can scratch glass
In fact, a common way to determine if a diamond is real or fake is to see if it will scratch the glass. Your mother-in-law may have tried it, but she may not have known that cubic zirconia and quartz also scratch glass, which helps them masquerade as gemstones.
But there is a big difference between cubic zirconia and diamonds in price and source. The first is a composite material and the second is a gemstone. A three-carat zirconia ring can sell for $300, while a three-carat diamond can sell for $25,000 to $125,000.
Fried adds that diamonds sparkle and have a higher index of refraction. “You can get cubic zirconia wet, but repeated exposure to water will damage the stone. It is best to take off cubic zirconia jewelry when doing water-related activities such as washing dishes, showering, and swimming.
Destroying a precious memory by revealing the source of the ring
What does all this mean? Diamonds and cubic zirconia may cut glass, but you can also cut your mother-in-law a bit. You did something nice. If we all played the role of Jessica Fletcher or Hercule Poirot, we might discover that there is a new gift or that the author's signature on the book is fake.
Suppose this ring was given to your mother-in-law by her husband or another relative. Is it worth it to destroy a precious memory of that relationship by revealing that the ring is not a gemstone? She may not have been sure where it came from, but she wanted to cherish it.
Would you have been excited to receive this ring if you had already known that it was costume jewelry? Even vintage jewelry can also cost a pretty penny and be counterfeited by unscrupulous retailers, and can be just as beautiful (if not as expensive) as a diamond, ruby or sapphire.
The counterfeit jewelry industry is increasingly developing
Even supposed diamonds and rubies can come with fake certificates of authenticity. Just ask this New York tourist who was allegedly tricked into paying $1 million for a batch of “worthless compounds” of East African rubies with heat treatment and enhanced lead glass purity.
Your mother-in-law's diamond ring is like a drop in the ocean. The imitation jewelry market is estimated to be worth more than $16.7 billion worldwide, and of all regions, North America is expected to see the largest increase in compound annual growth (almost 7%) over the next six years.
Jewelry experts say that Tiffany, Cartier and Van Cleef are globally recognized and sought-after brands; As such, counterfeiters are keen to imitate them in the same way they produce fake (and often poorly made) products such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton LVMHF,
and Hermes RMS,
Travel luggage.
Give yourself the VIP treatment and wear your mother-in-law's ring with as much pomp and pride as if it were an $80 million Wittelsbach-Graff diamond. The biggest myth promoted by the diamond industry is that the value of your relationship is reflected in the value of your ring.
This ring didn't cost you anything, but it gave you a priceless story.
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter.
The Moneyist regrets that he cannot respond to questions individually.
Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:
My friend invited me to a concert at Carnegie Hall. After I agreed, he said, “It would be nice if you could take me to dinner.” is this normal?
“Our American Dream Turned into a Nightmare”: I sold my house, but rising interest rates and prices kept me from entering the market. what can i do?
I borrowed $20,000 from my mother in 1996, but only repaid $5,000. I deducted the entire loan from my inheritance. I need this money. What now?
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