The way we think, feel, and act at one developmental stage in our lives is different from the way we deal with situations later in life. As a child, I treated my parents as authority figures and did (mostly!) what they told me. Later, in adulthood, I identified with my parents as role models and flexibly incorporated parts of them into who I became. Later, I became a parent and could relate to my parents as peers and as respectful, mutually supportive family members. As we grow, our roles evolve.
Likewise, there was a time in early adulthood when dating was fun and there were lots of people I wanted to meet. If the relationship became more serious, I often had to rein myself in and rely on discipline to not pursue other possibilities and opportunities. When I met my future wife, Margie, I realized early on that there was something special about our relationship. The idea that this might be lost or diluted with trivial posts was completely off-putting. I felt committed to Margie and our relationship and that was all that mattered. Other possibilities were not temptations. I didn't need the discipline to be a loyal boyfriend and husband. It's been that way for the past 39 years.
At the beginning of my trading career, the markets were exciting and there were many possible ways to make money. Out of this enthusiasm, I traded, traded, and overtraded. I lost money too. Over time, I discovered the type of trading that made sense to me and was successful for me. I deepened what I was doing and eventually conducted research on short-term price behavior and market breadth which gave me clear advantages in my trading. When I became committed to this style of trading, all other things became less interesting to me. I stopped overtrading not because I became a ridiculously disciplined person, but because I became fiercely loyal to my best self.. My devotion to good trade was much like my commitment to my life partner.
Just as we undergo an evolutionary sequence in our relationships with parents and potential life partners, we usually go through evolutionary stages in our trading. Perhaps over-trading is over-historical. This is what we have to do to find what is best for us and which can solidify our sense of loyalty, commitment and dedication. Our relationship with markets develops in ways similar to our relationships with our parents and our romantic relationships. Focusing on discipline to hinder this development process would be a mistake. It's not what we need to stop doing that should be our priority, but rather identifying the best in us and going after it, because Which It will inspire our commitment and generate our consistency.
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